Why Fear Can Either Paralyze Us or Propel Us Forward
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”- Ambrose Redmoon
I have been facing a lot of fear lately. Fear of the future, fear of not having enough, fear of not reaching my goals.
It has paralyzed me a little.
I sat here last night completely paralyzed in fear until my friend said something to me that made so much sense.
“Just take the next right step.”
Of course! This is how I walk out of fear. This is how I move forward despite the obstacles. If I take enough steps in the right direction, fear will be nothing more than a tiny problem that once plagued me.
Fear doesn’t have to consume us or keep us from being amazing. Today, I choose to forget about fear and move forward in the life that I am meant to live.
I hope you do to.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
How Changing Myself Made Me a Better Counselor
It’s only recently that I have been more comfortable opening up about this.
Posting this on a blog for all of the cyber world to see terrifies me.
The reason why I feel it is necessary to share this is because I am seeing more and more helping professionals ignoring their own problems to help solve other people’s.
And it’s made us stagnate.
Two years ago I took some time off of counseling, I got a wonderful job at a non-profit to pay the bills while I dealt with some things.
You see I had been in a starving myself/binging cycle for 10 years. My body didn’t know what to do with food anymore. I HATED food because I couldn’t control it. Every meal was an enemy, every snack food terrified me. I had a full blown eating disorder.
Two years ago, I realized I was lost. But it wasn’t until six months later that I gave in. You see, as a counselor and a professional with a Master’s degree, I was always under the illusion that I could fix it. There couldn’t possibly be an addiction or disorder that could beat me. I was so completely in denial that my weight ballooned to a dangerous size.
I sought help. With resistance, I worked with a dietician who specialized in eating disorders to help me deal. I had to listen, I had to give in, I had to give up control.
Nothing was more difficult for me to do.
But gradually as I began to give up control to God and to the dietician I was working with: I was able to gain back some control of food.
I haven’t starved myself in a year and a half. I have also lost 80lbs. My body, that has been a mess my whole life is finally starting to feel normal and regulated again.
How has this made me a better counselor?
I changed. I get change now. I understand that it’s a long, slow process that is more about my mind than the symptoms of my problems. My graduate school program and my internship never could have prepared me for what it feels like to deal with something that has been plaguing me for a decade and come out stronger on the other side.
I hope my story can encourage other helping professionals to get the help they need. If you are drowning in something, take time off, get better. A fuller life is waiting around the corner. And who knows? Changing yourself might help give you an avenue to help change others in a way you never imagined.
Posting this on a blog for all of the cyber world to see terrifies me.
The reason why I feel it is necessary to share this is because I am seeing more and more helping professionals ignoring their own problems to help solve other people’s.
And it’s made us stagnate.
Two years ago I took some time off of counseling, I got a wonderful job at a non-profit to pay the bills while I dealt with some things.
You see I had been in a starving myself/binging cycle for 10 years. My body didn’t know what to do with food anymore. I HATED food because I couldn’t control it. Every meal was an enemy, every snack food terrified me. I had a full blown eating disorder.
Two years ago, I realized I was lost. But it wasn’t until six months later that I gave in. You see, as a counselor and a professional with a Master’s degree, I was always under the illusion that I could fix it. There couldn’t possibly be an addiction or disorder that could beat me. I was so completely in denial that my weight ballooned to a dangerous size.
I sought help. With resistance, I worked with a dietician who specialized in eating disorders to help me deal. I had to listen, I had to give in, I had to give up control.
Nothing was more difficult for me to do.
But gradually as I began to give up control to God and to the dietician I was working with: I was able to gain back some control of food.
I haven’t starved myself in a year and a half. I have also lost 80lbs. My body, that has been a mess my whole life is finally starting to feel normal and regulated again.
How has this made me a better counselor?
I changed. I get change now. I understand that it’s a long, slow process that is more about my mind than the symptoms of my problems. My graduate school program and my internship never could have prepared me for what it feels like to deal with something that has been plaguing me for a decade and come out stronger on the other side.
I hope my story can encourage other helping professionals to get the help they need. If you are drowning in something, take time off, get better. A fuller life is waiting around the corner. And who knows? Changing yourself might help give you an avenue to help change others in a way you never imagined.
Monday, January 16, 2012
The After Picture and the Change Fairy are Not Friends
Most of us want to change something, for some it's something like getting organized or losing 10lbs. For others it's as difficult as dealing with an addiction. But the question for everyone remains:
Why is change so dang hard?
I used to believe that I could just snap my fingers and change whatever I wanted. "Mind over matter," I would tell myself. If I wanted something to be different, it could be, I just had to make the decision.
But what the change fairy forgot to tell me is that you have to make the decision to change and then you have to make it again and again and again until it becomes a habit. So why doesn't this always work?
Most of us don't want to change
We say that we do, we can envision a life on the other side of that change. We can picture ourselves richer, thinner, less stressed, more spiritual, etc. But what most of us forget about is the journey that gets us on the other side of the change usually sucks.
I personally think that in between the before and after pictures for weight loss, they need to put 365 pictures of someone running up a mountain.
Between the pictures of the poor student and the rich entrepreneur they need to put 700 pictures of people buried in work, faces covered in fear.
Because between what you currently are and what you want to be is a lot of hard work, reflection, anxiety and pain.
So do you truly want to change? Take the first step of the 300 day journey, be realistic about what is before you and keep your eye on the after picture. It will be worth it.
"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”- Jim Rohn
Why is change so dang hard?
I used to believe that I could just snap my fingers and change whatever I wanted. "Mind over matter," I would tell myself. If I wanted something to be different, it could be, I just had to make the decision.
But what the change fairy forgot to tell me is that you have to make the decision to change and then you have to make it again and again and again until it becomes a habit. So why doesn't this always work?
Most of us don't want to change
We say that we do, we can envision a life on the other side of that change. We can picture ourselves richer, thinner, less stressed, more spiritual, etc. But what most of us forget about is the journey that gets us on the other side of the change usually sucks.
I personally think that in between the before and after pictures for weight loss, they need to put 365 pictures of someone running up a mountain.
Between the pictures of the poor student and the rich entrepreneur they need to put 700 pictures of people buried in work, faces covered in fear.
Because between what you currently are and what you want to be is a lot of hard work, reflection, anxiety and pain.
So do you truly want to change? Take the first step of the 300 day journey, be realistic about what is before you and keep your eye on the after picture. It will be worth it.
"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”- Jim Rohn
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Failure-Stealing from Midas
I have spent the last couple of weeks feeling like a failure...a failure at being a business owner, a failure at being a friend, a failure at being a Christian, a failure at being as healthy as I could be. It has just been an all encompassing time of failure.
But as I mull over these feelings of failure it got me thinking...
What truly makes a failure?
One of the definitions I found for failure is "falling short." This made me wonder, how many of us feel like we fall short on a daily basis?
I know I do.
But I think the only time we truly fall short is when we give up. So I may have spent the month of December feeling like everything I touched turned to crap (as opposed to that delightful Midas who turned everything to gold.)
However, I think that we can't truly call ourselves failures unless we quit trying. Because in the midst of failure may come a morsel of success.
Because ultimately, all of us will fall short. We aren't perfect, we are human. I worship a perfect God because I know how much I fall short. But that doesn't mean I am going to just roll over and play dead. I am going to choose to continue to move forward, wade through this season of crap and hopefully come out strong on the other end.
Hopefully you will too.
Besides Midas turned his daughter to gold...who wants to be like that idiot anyway:)
But as I mull over these feelings of failure it got me thinking...
What truly makes a failure?
One of the definitions I found for failure is "falling short." This made me wonder, how many of us feel like we fall short on a daily basis?
I know I do.
But I think the only time we truly fall short is when we give up. So I may have spent the month of December feeling like everything I touched turned to crap (as opposed to that delightful Midas who turned everything to gold.)
However, I think that we can't truly call ourselves failures unless we quit trying. Because in the midst of failure may come a morsel of success.
Because ultimately, all of us will fall short. We aren't perfect, we are human. I worship a perfect God because I know how much I fall short. But that doesn't mean I am going to just roll over and play dead. I am going to choose to continue to move forward, wade through this season of crap and hopefully come out strong on the other end.
Hopefully you will too.
Besides Midas turned his daughter to gold...who wants to be like that idiot anyway:)
Monday, December 12, 2011
Helping Others
Many people spend the holidays feeling alone or frustrated. Some feel that they haven't accomplished what they wanted this year. Others feel lonely or grief stricken over the loss of a loved one. While this time can be devastating, it doesn't have to be.
I have noticed that when I am looking inward at what I haven't done and feeling frustrated over relationships; serving others will help me remember what I'm here for. Someone once told me that the most emotional healthy people are those who are passionately involved with helping others.
I agree.
Because when you buy clothes for a family in need, mentor someone or buy a cup of coffee for a hurting friend all of a sudden what was once devastating doesn't hurt so badly. In fact, life looks brighter and more joyful. All of a sudden, your sadness can be channeled into something positive.
So take some time and figure out how to give back to someone today. Believe me, it will change your life.
"It is more blessed to give than to receive" Acts 20:35b
I have noticed that when I am looking inward at what I haven't done and feeling frustrated over relationships; serving others will help me remember what I'm here for. Someone once told me that the most emotional healthy people are those who are passionately involved with helping others.
I agree.
Because when you buy clothes for a family in need, mentor someone or buy a cup of coffee for a hurting friend all of a sudden what was once devastating doesn't hurt so badly. In fact, life looks brighter and more joyful. All of a sudden, your sadness can be channeled into something positive.
So take some time and figure out how to give back to someone today. Believe me, it will change your life.
"It is more blessed to give than to receive" Acts 20:35b
Monday, November 28, 2011
Why Gratitude Changes Everything
It’s amazing how much gratitude can do for a person’s emotional health. I spent the weekend with family members discussing how many things there have been to be thankful for this year and I realized something; even on the worst day of my life, I am blessed.
It’s easy to get caught up in the land of “not enough” We start focusing on all the things we don’t have and all the areas of our lives that we haven’t accomplished what we wanted. Today I challenge you to step away from the burden of inadequacy and focus on all the things to be thankful for.
Did you get to spend your holidays with family and/or friends who care about you? Do you have a job that pays your bills? Do you have arms and legs and the ability to walk? As the weather moves closer and closer to a blistering cold, do you get to go home to a nice warm home or apartment?
Many people would kill for one tenth of the blessings that the average American takes for granted on a daily basis.
So today, make a list of all the things to be grateful for and see if it doesn’t bring a little more joy to your heart.
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Melody Beattie
It’s easy to get caught up in the land of “not enough” We start focusing on all the things we don’t have and all the areas of our lives that we haven’t accomplished what we wanted. Today I challenge you to step away from the burden of inadequacy and focus on all the things to be thankful for.
Did you get to spend your holidays with family and/or friends who care about you? Do you have a job that pays your bills? Do you have arms and legs and the ability to walk? As the weather moves closer and closer to a blistering cold, do you get to go home to a nice warm home or apartment?
Many people would kill for one tenth of the blessings that the average American takes for granted on a daily basis.
So today, make a list of all the things to be grateful for and see if it doesn’t bring a little more joy to your heart.
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Melody Beattie
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Why Relationships Are Vital to Emotional Health
The last few days I have noticed that I have been smiling more. I have taken more joy in the little things. I have rested. But more importantly, I have spent the last couple of days catching up with some friends. Sometimes in the midst of our busy lives we can forget how important relationships are to our emotional health.
No person was meant to get through life on their own. Friendships provide laughter and happiness. Good friends allow you to be yourself, quirky parts and all. Investing in relationships brings rest…a resounding sigh of relief that yes, you are ok and no matter how successful or unsuccessful you are, your friends love you.
Take time today to invest in some relationships; remembering that your heart was not meant to be secluded inside a box, but rather shared with those who are blessed enough to know the real you.
No person was meant to get through life on their own. Friendships provide laughter and happiness. Good friends allow you to be yourself, quirky parts and all. Investing in relationships brings rest…a resounding sigh of relief that yes, you are ok and no matter how successful or unsuccessful you are, your friends love you.
Take time today to invest in some relationships; remembering that your heart was not meant to be secluded inside a box, but rather shared with those who are blessed enough to know the real you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)