Why Fear Can Either Paralyze Us or Propel Us Forward
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”- Ambrose Redmoon
I have been facing a lot of fear lately. Fear of the future, fear of not having enough, fear of not reaching my goals.
It has paralyzed me a little.
I sat here last night completely paralyzed in fear until my friend said something to me that made so much sense.
“Just take the next right step.”
Of course! This is how I walk out of fear. This is how I move forward despite the obstacles. If I take enough steps in the right direction, fear will be nothing more than a tiny problem that once plagued me.
Fear doesn’t have to consume us or keep us from being amazing. Today, I choose to forget about fear and move forward in the life that I am meant to live.
I hope you do to.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
How Changing Myself Made Me a Better Counselor
It’s only recently that I have been more comfortable opening up about this.
Posting this on a blog for all of the cyber world to see terrifies me.
The reason why I feel it is necessary to share this is because I am seeing more and more helping professionals ignoring their own problems to help solve other people’s.
And it’s made us stagnate.
Two years ago I took some time off of counseling, I got a wonderful job at a non-profit to pay the bills while I dealt with some things.
You see I had been in a starving myself/binging cycle for 10 years. My body didn’t know what to do with food anymore. I HATED food because I couldn’t control it. Every meal was an enemy, every snack food terrified me. I had a full blown eating disorder.
Two years ago, I realized I was lost. But it wasn’t until six months later that I gave in. You see, as a counselor and a professional with a Master’s degree, I was always under the illusion that I could fix it. There couldn’t possibly be an addiction or disorder that could beat me. I was so completely in denial that my weight ballooned to a dangerous size.
I sought help. With resistance, I worked with a dietician who specialized in eating disorders to help me deal. I had to listen, I had to give in, I had to give up control.
Nothing was more difficult for me to do.
But gradually as I began to give up control to God and to the dietician I was working with: I was able to gain back some control of food.
I haven’t starved myself in a year and a half. I have also lost 80lbs. My body, that has been a mess my whole life is finally starting to feel normal and regulated again.
How has this made me a better counselor?
I changed. I get change now. I understand that it’s a long, slow process that is more about my mind than the symptoms of my problems. My graduate school program and my internship never could have prepared me for what it feels like to deal with something that has been plaguing me for a decade and come out stronger on the other side.
I hope my story can encourage other helping professionals to get the help they need. If you are drowning in something, take time off, get better. A fuller life is waiting around the corner. And who knows? Changing yourself might help give you an avenue to help change others in a way you never imagined.
Posting this on a blog for all of the cyber world to see terrifies me.
The reason why I feel it is necessary to share this is because I am seeing more and more helping professionals ignoring their own problems to help solve other people’s.
And it’s made us stagnate.
Two years ago I took some time off of counseling, I got a wonderful job at a non-profit to pay the bills while I dealt with some things.
You see I had been in a starving myself/binging cycle for 10 years. My body didn’t know what to do with food anymore. I HATED food because I couldn’t control it. Every meal was an enemy, every snack food terrified me. I had a full blown eating disorder.
Two years ago, I realized I was lost. But it wasn’t until six months later that I gave in. You see, as a counselor and a professional with a Master’s degree, I was always under the illusion that I could fix it. There couldn’t possibly be an addiction or disorder that could beat me. I was so completely in denial that my weight ballooned to a dangerous size.
I sought help. With resistance, I worked with a dietician who specialized in eating disorders to help me deal. I had to listen, I had to give in, I had to give up control.
Nothing was more difficult for me to do.
But gradually as I began to give up control to God and to the dietician I was working with: I was able to gain back some control of food.
I haven’t starved myself in a year and a half. I have also lost 80lbs. My body, that has been a mess my whole life is finally starting to feel normal and regulated again.
How has this made me a better counselor?
I changed. I get change now. I understand that it’s a long, slow process that is more about my mind than the symptoms of my problems. My graduate school program and my internship never could have prepared me for what it feels like to deal with something that has been plaguing me for a decade and come out stronger on the other side.
I hope my story can encourage other helping professionals to get the help they need. If you are drowning in something, take time off, get better. A fuller life is waiting around the corner. And who knows? Changing yourself might help give you an avenue to help change others in a way you never imagined.
Monday, January 16, 2012
The After Picture and the Change Fairy are Not Friends
Most of us want to change something, for some it's something like getting organized or losing 10lbs. For others it's as difficult as dealing with an addiction. But the question for everyone remains:
Why is change so dang hard?
I used to believe that I could just snap my fingers and change whatever I wanted. "Mind over matter," I would tell myself. If I wanted something to be different, it could be, I just had to make the decision.
But what the change fairy forgot to tell me is that you have to make the decision to change and then you have to make it again and again and again until it becomes a habit. So why doesn't this always work?
Most of us don't want to change
We say that we do, we can envision a life on the other side of that change. We can picture ourselves richer, thinner, less stressed, more spiritual, etc. But what most of us forget about is the journey that gets us on the other side of the change usually sucks.
I personally think that in between the before and after pictures for weight loss, they need to put 365 pictures of someone running up a mountain.
Between the pictures of the poor student and the rich entrepreneur they need to put 700 pictures of people buried in work, faces covered in fear.
Because between what you currently are and what you want to be is a lot of hard work, reflection, anxiety and pain.
So do you truly want to change? Take the first step of the 300 day journey, be realistic about what is before you and keep your eye on the after picture. It will be worth it.
"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”- Jim Rohn
Why is change so dang hard?
I used to believe that I could just snap my fingers and change whatever I wanted. "Mind over matter," I would tell myself. If I wanted something to be different, it could be, I just had to make the decision.
But what the change fairy forgot to tell me is that you have to make the decision to change and then you have to make it again and again and again until it becomes a habit. So why doesn't this always work?
Most of us don't want to change
We say that we do, we can envision a life on the other side of that change. We can picture ourselves richer, thinner, less stressed, more spiritual, etc. But what most of us forget about is the journey that gets us on the other side of the change usually sucks.
I personally think that in between the before and after pictures for weight loss, they need to put 365 pictures of someone running up a mountain.
Between the pictures of the poor student and the rich entrepreneur they need to put 700 pictures of people buried in work, faces covered in fear.
Because between what you currently are and what you want to be is a lot of hard work, reflection, anxiety and pain.
So do you truly want to change? Take the first step of the 300 day journey, be realistic about what is before you and keep your eye on the after picture. It will be worth it.
"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”- Jim Rohn
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